I've hidden in you
A thousand dreams,
A thousand fears,
A thousand
sadnesses,
And a thousand joys
until
You became a mirror
that showed my true self.
I loved that self,
and I hated that self.
Your surface showed
my weakness most clearly
because that's all I
held onto:
My belief that I
wasn't enough.
I've forgotten who I
am.
I saw in you all the
things I loved about me…
And I gave them to
you.
I will not fear,
except to fear losing myself.
I fear losing you.
Me.
I fear.
I fear as fiercely
as I love. I lost. I feared. I lost.
My mind drifts to
you often,
in the moments
between breaths,
My mind traveled to
you and didn't return.
I lost.
I lost all of Self
in my fear
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind Killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total
obliteration."
Between each breath,
I died.
Between the breaths
I actualized,
My fears.
My shadow became all
that I saw.
I thought it was
something I could hold onto.
Solid, concrete,
well-established.
It drew me forward
to my end.
"I will face my fear"
Of losing you,
Of losing me.
"I will permit it to pass over me and through
me".
I keep breathing
The space between
breaths gets shorter,
There is too much
life, there are too few pauses.
There is, there is,
there is…
Me.
"Where have you
been, what happened to you?"
I tried to reach you
but silence was my answer.
The only thing that
remained was the silence,
The expectation of
life,
And the many cuts.
I gave myself to
that emptiness
Piece by piece,
Breath by breath,
Fear by fear.
A thousand cuts,
A small-death each
time.
"And when it has gone past, I will turn the
inner eye to see it's path."
I.
I.
I.
Gasp, space,
obliteration.
"Where the fear has gone, there will be
nothing."
I have created,
I have obliterated,
I have feared,
I have loved.
I have cried.
And in each tear,
"Only I will remain".
Author's Note: Italicized quotes are from Frank Herbert's "Dune".
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